I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
