i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
