Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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