he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
