I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
