You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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