But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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