The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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