Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
