How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
