I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
