I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
