I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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