shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
