mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
