If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize