i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
