At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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