You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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