there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He felt like a one man threesome
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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