Only a mothe r could love this liver
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
