He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize