Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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