How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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