I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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