Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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