I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
