i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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