no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is Oprah even human
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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