Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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