Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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