My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
