So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You smell like stripper and shame
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
