hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
two words...techno handjob
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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