Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You ruined the universe
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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