My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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