Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize