Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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