Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
