How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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