I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
