she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
