We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
