JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
