When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
