Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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