so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize