Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
