if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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