hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
