I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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