A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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