There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize