i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
