He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
