Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
