i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
