I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
