she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
