You work out of a Hotel?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
