She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
