Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
