I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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