She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
