I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
