She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
