That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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