My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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