woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
