I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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