Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
