Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize