That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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