Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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