So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
