I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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