It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
