My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
