Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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