You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
