There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
