Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize