I could make wine with my vomit
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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