Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
nutella sex= disaster
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's official drugs can't kill me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize