my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh god it's open bar.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
