I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
